Have you ever thought about if you could back and do something over again? Stupid question. I know, I know. Everyone has thought about this, even those self-righteous people who claim to live with "no regrets". I have made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime. Almost 27 years of acting wild, crazy and like consequencse do not matter. However, I am finally at a place in my life where I feel that things are okay. Not great, not perfect, just okay. And, I am fine with that! 100% fine with that. After five years of feeling like I was headed nowhere and that life was passing me by, I finally feel at peace.
Now to reflect back on how I got here, I must think back to being 18 years old. If I could go back to that time in my life and shake my 18 year old know-it-all self, I would. I would probably smack myself so damn hard for being so stupid and not taking advantage of the opportunities in front of me. Here is what I would tell myself:
1. Don't turn down a great opportunity.
I turned 18 right before I graduated high school. I turned 18 right around the time I declined to go to the University of Miami, University of Alabama and various other prestigous schools. Why did I do that? Well that answer I tell most people is that I had the HOPE scholarship in Georgia, which meant I could go to any public university in Georgia FOR FREE. Now, that is in part the right answer, but there were other issues.
The opportunity to go to school, out of state and away from my comfort zone is something I always regret not taking. Someone once told me that you never regret the things you do, but only the things you never did. It is wasn't until recently I realized that this is so true no matter how cliched. At 18 I thought I could do it all and accomplish my dreams. At 26 almost 27, I realize that I am getting older and time is running out to squeeze in everything I want to do before I settle down with mini me's and a hubby (if and when that ever happens). I probably think about how my life would have been different if I had gone to The U about 100 times a day. I often focus on how I probably would be somewhere tropical speaking Spanish and well-traveled by now. Not to say I don't enjoy where I am at and that I am not afraid of the accomplishments I have made, but I didn't take an opportunity to change my life and it forever changed the course of my life.
Now here is where I would really scream, kick and attack my 18 year old self (lesson 2)...
2. When you grow-up you finally realize that people will never act or do what you want them to do, no matter how hard you try.
I had the opportunity to go away to a wonderful school almost free and I held back because I was afraid. I was afraid that my boy would dump me or not be able to handle a long-distance relationship. I was afraid of leaving the comfort of what I knew and what I was use to having. I was in love or at least I thought I was with someone who would forever change my life. I didn't want to leave this person knowing good and well that it would be the end of our relationship. See, what I realize now is that whether I had gone to Miami or not, the boy and I were never meant to work out. I am an ambitious, never happy with static situations person. He is in the same place he was almost ten years ago and that will probably never change. No matter how hard I wanted things to become a fairytale, I couldn't change him. You can't change people, but when you are 18 you think you can change the world and everyone in it. The first part is true, the second is a hard lesson to learn until you have been around the block as many times as I have with ill-fated relationships.
3. Don't get into debt.
Here is where I would really just smack the holy living guacamole out of 18 year old me. Don't get yourself into debt is something we hear a lot of these days and it is great advice. I didn't actually get a credit card until I was about 20 years old. I worked a few jobs at a time and made relatively good money, but once I realized that I needed (or at least thought I needed stuff) I started spending more than I should have. I rarely saved money and spent most of it on things I couldn't afford. I didn't spend money on great trips around the world or experiences, I spent it on stuff. Half of that stuff is probably at a Goodwill or landfill by now. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun in those years, but now I am a slave to my debt because of that fun and all the materialistic things that went with having fun. I would love to tell 18 year old me that being in your late twenties with a mountain of debt, a low credit score and nothing to show for it- well, it sucks. It sucks hard. Now I can't afford much of what I want because I have bills and needs and ususally there isn't much leftover for fun after those needs are paid for with my hard work. Debt has ruined part of my life. Strong words I know, but if I wasn't in massive debt, I would be less stressed and probably consider my life fanfreakintastic.
4. Do what you love for the rest of your life.
When you are 18, you rarely know what you want to do for the rest of your life. You are more concerned with partying, boyfriends and a new designer purse than you are with deciding what it is that you want to do forever to be happy forever. I know a couple people who came out of the womb knowing what they wanted to do. A prime example is my friend Ashley. Her parents will tell you since she was 5 years old she wanted to be a doctor and help people. Low and behold, Ashely is an extremely successful Physicians Assistant who is happy and is happy serving others.
Now back to the point, I would tell 18 year old me not to pick a major because it sounds impressive, uses corporate buzzowords and the advisers tell you it is a good fit. Those same advisers told me to be a shrink and I barely passed Psychology 101. The point is, while I am grateful for my Marketing degree I am also melancholy about the fact that I never pursued my passion in school. I wanted to make sure I was in the business program to please my dad and I wanted to pick a safe bet. Too bad my "safe bet" wasn't so safe when the economy collapsed the same time I graduated with a BBA. Suddenly all those Marketing positions were no longer around and my degree was barely worth the paper it was printed on.
I did have a job throughout those late years of college. I was a make-up artist and happy as a clam doing that. I love makeup artistry. It is something that I have loved my whole life and had I known at 18 what I now know at 26, well lets just say I would have taken a different route. I still would have gone to college (maybe U of M), but my focus would have been on something that tied directly to my passion to create beautiful things out of beautiful canvases. Perhaps I would have even done chemical or biological engineering so I would be able to create make-up for one of the companies I admire. Who knows? It is not a regret per say, but rather advice to follow your heart and your passion. Do what you love and you will be happy.
