Anyone that knows Thug Scout knows I love Unicorns. I have always been obsessed with them. I watched The Last Unicorn for hours and hours as a child. I loved it because it was very macob and magical all at the same time.
Getting to the point...I have been in a rut for the past few years. When I graduated college I had no plans except a)have fun and b) pay off debt. What I didn't realize is that a does not equal b nor are they positively correlated. The more fun I had (and ask anyone about Thug Scout's adventures circa 2008 and beyond and they'll ask if you've seen the hangover) the more debt I accrewed.
I was stupid, sure. I was suddenly an adult, single and naieve. I thought that the day you graduate college there are companies lining up to employ you and asking you to be creative. Well, I graduated May 2008 around the same time the housing bubble popped, Obama started "Change" and well everything went to hell in a handbasket. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have a backup plan.
I worked for CAM Cosmetics (Name has been changed to protect those evil gremlins) and I made great money. I thought that I would become CEO one day and run the most prestigous cosmetics company in the world. I worked hard, but rarely was rewarded for it. I met a boy who would change my life. I didn't have it all and I knew it, but I WAS HAVING FUN.
Fast forward two years, I was wrongfully terminated and the boy of my dreams dumped me on Valentines day. My world fell apart. I began the painful process of not knowing who I was and not knowing how to find who I was. I still loved unicorns though. No matter what evil lay ahead of them they always won. I used that scenario (as eight year old of a perspective as it is) to fight. I went to therapy. A lot. I landed a new job with the help of a former friend and I thought I was on the right path. Unciron horn guiding the way.
But...life is no fairy tale or poorly animted Unicorn tale. I have found myself feeling more sad, lonely at time and miserable more than I even want to admit. I feel like my life has no direction and every time I gain a foot, God sends me back a mile. Now, no, no,no! Do not think I want pity. I have my health (most of it anyways thanks to years of smoking cancer sticks, which with the help of a loved one I finally quit) and I have a boy, GB.
GB had it rough growing up. He doesn't tell me a lot and he doesn't open up (imagine that a boy not opening up), but he does have a good perspective. He worked his ass off and has a job doing what he loves and making good money. He reminds me that hard work does produce results. But, why oh why hasn't my hard work paid off? What the hell am I doing wrong. Why hasn't a hot pink Unicorn appeared (well a plush one did for my birthday)?
Answer- I have to put on the big girl underoos and figure as the homies say, "Ish", out. I know I want to do something creative and fun and travel. I want a pony or a Unicorn, whichever is less costly. I know I want the GB to ask me to marry him someday and have little GBs. I know none of this is going to happen until I become the person God wants me to be. Right now, he's been telling me hot pink and glitter are my answers. I just wish I knew the questions...
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